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Swim City: The Big Fat Hairy Goodbye

par Entropic_Catalyst
9/10 180 pts / 19 votes - 21 commentaires
The night is wet as the floor of a rest stop. Everything's salty. It's a lousy tank in a lousy aquarium in a lousy town.

I'm staring at a goddess. She's telling me she wants me. She sounds like she means it.
Glurp.

She smells like seafood ought to smell.
The perfect fish.
Goldie. She says her name is Goldie.
Glurp.

Three hours later I've got my big boy pants pulled on and my tough guy boots laced up and my manly head's feeling several sizes too big and that cold thing happens to my macho stomach and I realize that Goldie is dead.
Not a mark on her. You'd have to check her gills or notice those perfect scales of hers aren't moving like they would if she was breathing.

You were scared, weren't you Goldie? Somebody wanted you dead and you knew it. Well, I'm gonna find that son of a bitch that killed you, and I'm gonna give him the big fat hairy goodbye.

Walk down the right back alley in Swim City, and you can find anything.
Don't kill me, I'll sing! Talk to Father McFeely! He knows whodunnit!

That there is one damn fine cloak you're wearin'.
You should see me in a capote anglaise.

Just give me a damn name.
Garfield.

Garfield? You really are pushing your luck, trying to feed me kitty litter like this. It can't be that fat.
Find out for yourself, you sorry bastard. There's a farm out at North Cross and Lennox. It's all there. And while you're at it, ask yourself if that fillet of fish is worth dying for.

Worth dying for.
Worth killing for.
Worth going to Hell for.
Amen.
BLAM BLAM!
This is a bad place, this farm. Fish have died here. The wrong way.
I sniff around to see what's buried.

All of a sudden... right behind me...

Impossible, nobody can sneak up on me. Nobody.
WHUNGG! THUKKK!
My fingers die... I go blind...


I wake up surrounded by fish parts. It must be a Monday.
He keeps the heads. He eats the rest.

wat?
He eats fish. He cooks them first. He made me WAAATCH!

I've gotta bust outta here and find that cat what done this. I'll stare the fuzzy orange bastard in the face as he meows to God, and I'll laugh harder when he gurgles like a dying kitten. And when his eyes go dead, the Hell I send him to will seem like an all-you-can-eat lasagna buffet after what I've done to him.

IT WAS YOU, YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED GOLDIE!

He doesn't meow. Not even when the mutt's had his fill and Garfield's guts are lying all over the place and somehow the bastard is still alive, still smiling at me with that marketably cartoonish grin and those whiskers. Not even when I grab the saw and finish the job. He never meows!

But he wasn't alone in this. I know who really runs Swim City. Time to pay the old man a visit.

Elliot?
No, Garfield. What's left of him anyways. Odie ate the rest.

Phone home!
Don't try to call anyone or I'll plug you.

Beeeeeee gooood.
Me? At least I don't go around eating fish.

Oooouch.
That's it. You can scream now if you want.

What if I'm wrong? I've got a condition. I get confused sometimes. What if I've imagined all this? What if I've finally turned into what they've always said I would turn into? A maniac.

I didn't kill the alien. He used his outer space magic to bring Goldie back to life. He fixed it so everyone's nice and happy.

Goldie and I are married now, and expecting our first kid soon.

I still step out to Kadie's Bar to watch Nancy dance now and then, though. Life don't get no better'n this, I tell ya.

Is your husband home?
*purrr* We're all alone, my darling. Take me!
Fin?
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commentaires
NoteNote :   
I know nothing of Sin City and loved this comic. Don't try to figure me out.
21. 04.06.08 à 03:27 |Marie_Potter10/10
Marie_Potter
18. Désolé, moi je sais pas parler anglais ! Traduction pour Entropic_catalyst : Sorry, I don't speak english !
20. 09.09.07 à 09:59 |GogolMaboul10/10
GogolMaboul
18.Yeah !
19. 15.02.07 à 00:00 |Superdwarf10/10
Superdwarf
I forgot to comment, but i read it last week at work and it made me laughs. That a good adaptation. You should sell your scenario to Hollywood.
18. 07.02.07 à 22:02 |mesca10/10
mesca
16. The Garfield avatar is on the French side template.
17. 06.02.07 à 21:27 |Entropic_Catalyst10/10
Entropic_Catalyst
Cool you got a Garfield avatar that's hot and great looking!
16. 03.02.07 à 20:45 |flint10/10
flint
I read the comics, saw the movie. by the first panel, I just rofl'd.

You did an amazing job.
15. 28.01.07 à 17:10 |pulse10/10
pulse
?
14. 28.01.07 à 13:25 |Hibiki25010/10
Hibiki250
safe peeps

13. 28.01.07 à 09:08 |daniel19950/10
daniel1995
OMG dat is 2 long im not going to read all that!
12. 28.01.07 à 03:24 |heartagram_66610/10
heartagram_666
how did you put that background on there
11. 28.01.07 à 01:23 |mwmt10/10
mwmt
Good work, my dear friend. WOW ! I am speaking English, Jesus is come back, so ! This is a miracleeee !
10. 27.01.07 à 19:08 |Aphrodite.10/10
Aphrodite.
A man who has lost his fillet of fish could do anything.
9. 27.01.07 à 01:44 |Menwholooklikekennyrogers10/10
Menwholooklikekennyrogers
3. I haven't seen Spin City, but I did click on that Meat Spin link.

7. http://www.script...
8. 27.01.07 à 01:33 |Entropic_Catalyst10/10
Entropic_Catalyst
OOOOO! Do it with a tree fetish next!
7. 26.01.07 à 20:02 |insertnamehere10/10
insertnamehere
Holy mackerel.
6. 26.01.07 à 00:15 |grouchobeer10/10
grouchobeer
Gorgeous
5. 25.01.07 à 23:20 |Allegria10/10
Allegria
lewl, black n' white
4. 25.01.07 à 21:58 |MadHatterJ10/10
MadHatterJ
I have never read Sin City, but I have seen Spin City. Is that close enough?
3. 25.01.07 à 21:38 |boinky3310/10
boinky33
The film is awesome,and this tops it.Also,look out for the second Sin City film coming out this year.
2. 25.01.07 à 21:02 |CheGuevara10/10
CheGuevara
If anyone here hasn't read Sin City: The Hard Goodbye yet, do yourself a favor and order it now: http://www.amazon...

And this is one of those rare occasions when I'll also recommend the film adaption, as they did an absolutely perfect job translating it to the screen: http://imdb.com/t...

Thanks to mesca for the (mis)use of his Marv avatar.
1. 25.01.07 à 20:56 |Entropic_Catalyst10/10
Entropic_Catalyst
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