Sanford & Son in Space #2

par boinky33
9/10 103 pts / 12 votes - 6 commentaires
In this hair raising episode of Sanford & Son in Space, Fred and Lamont are in hot persuit of the Zucalian mothership....

Commander, we have the Zucalian mothership in our sights. What are your commands?
I need you to talk their leader into signing a peace treaty with Earth.
Do you think you can do it?

I know I can do it!
Good luck, captain Sanford. The Earth is counting on you.

Lamont, you big dummy, get me the space phone number for the Zucalian mothership!
Sure thing, pops!

Hello, I'd like to speak to your leader....
Just a minute....
EMPEROR!
THE SPACE PHONE'S FOR YOU!

Hello, this is the emperor of the Zucalians. How may I help you?

This is captain Sanford of Earth. I'd like to board your ship and discuss important space business.
Earth?
Why, they cause nothing but trouble for me and my people!
I'll have no part of it as long as Earth is involved!

Come on now, emperor, we just wanna talk.
Won't you do it for an old man?
Well....
I suppose we could just talk....

Lamont, I want you to mind the spacecraft while I go talk to the leader of a strange alien race.
Sure thing, pops!

Wow. Your ship looks exactly like mine.
Yes, it must be the same architect.
So, what is it you'd like to talk about, captain Sanford?

The government of Earth would like to discuss a peace treaty.
Never!
I'd rather die than join forces with Earth!
You tell Earth to go eat my balls!

Please, emperor!
We are both peaceful nations, and all we want is a non-violent resolution.
Peaceful? HA!
You people have attacked our planet dozens of times!

That's all in the past, you big dummy!
All we want is peace, just like you.
Is this true, captain Sanford?

You have my word, emperor.
Well....
Perhaps we can work something out....

What do you mean?
You see, we have been at war with the Zurgonites for many years now....

The Zurgonites?
Tell me about it!
We've been tryin' forever to get them to side with Earth, but they just won't listen to reason.
Yes, well....
Several months ago, the Zurgonites stole our rare Zulcian crystals, which is the Zulcian main source of power.

Without the Zulcian crystals, the Zulcian people will lose their Zulcian spirit, which will lead to Zulcian chaos!

First of all:
Stop saying Zulcian.
Second of all:
What exactly are you getting at?
Captain Sanford, if you were to retrieve the Zulcian crystals back from the Zurgonites, I will sign the peace treaty.

Well, it sounds dangerous, but if it's the only way, I'll do it.
Thank you, captain Sanford.
By doing this, you're saving the lives of millions of Zurcalian people.

Yeah, whatever, you big dummy!
Oh, dear.

Lemont!
Yeah, pops?
Back on the Sanford ship
Change our coordinates to Zurgonian territory.
Zergonian territory?
But why, pops?
Back on the Sanford ship
Because I said so, you big dummy!
Well....okay....

And get me something to drink!
Sure thing, pops.

So, did you get the peace treaty signed?

No, I didn't get the peace treaty signed!
That's why we're going to Zurgon!
To steal some crystals, or something....
I don't understand, pops....

Hell, neither do I.
But it's our duty as ambassadors of Earth.
Well, can we stop by Space Burger on the way there?

Yeah, sure.

Sir, we just got reports saying that the Sanford ship is heading this way!
I'm not afraid of those clowns.
Send an attack ship.
That should take care of them.
In Zurgon castle
The ship is on auto-pilot.
Let's go play space tennis.
Hot damn!

What the hell was that???
Our ship!
It's been hit!
SMASH!
Return fire!
Returning fire, pops!

Did we get 'em?
Just barely.

Fire again!
Firing again, pops!

Did we get 'em this time?
Yep. The ship is totally destroyed.

Man, these Zurgonians mean buisness!
Don't worry, we're almost there, pops.

Sir, the Sanford ship just landed!
Damn!
I underestimated those blasted Sanfords!

Lamont, I want you to stay in the ship while I go looking for the crystals.
Awww, pops, why do I always gotta stay in the ship?

Because you're a big dummy!
Jesus, will you stop callin' me a big dummy already?
The novelty wore off panels ago!

Fine, I'll start callin' you a stupid cunt-rag!
Big dummy is fine....

Hmmm....
Let's see....
I should check the castle first....

Sir, captain Sanford is coming this way!
Send some of my best men out there, and tell them to shoot to kill.

Uh-oh.
Looks like company up ahead.

Freeze, Sanford!
There's nowhere to run!

It's a good thing I juiced up my phaser earlier today....

Aauuggghhh!!!!!!
Oh, shit!....
ZAP!
Aauuggghhh!!!!!!
ZAP!
And now to get the crystals!....

Man, what a big castle!
The crystals could be anywhere!

Why, if it isn't the legendary captain Sanford!
If I knew you were coming, I would have poisoned a cake!

Where are the crystals, you greasy piece of shit?
I'll tell you, but you're not going to like it....

TELL ME OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE BALLS!
Alright. Calm down.
The crystals are right over here....

....in this constipated elephant's ass!

Ewww!
I ain't goin' in there!
Exactly!
It's the perfect hiding place!
Nobody is willing to shove their hand up a shitty elephant ass!

Well, you better be willing, or I will shoot you where you stand!
I wouldn't do that if I were you, for I had my men hook up an explosive device to your ship.
One press of this button and Lemont is history!

You're bluffing!
Oh, am I?
I could be.
But are you willing to risk it?
Now, hand over your phaser....

I....I guess I have no choice....
That's right!
You don't!
You lose, Sanford!
YOU LOSE!
And that means I win!
Mu ha ha ha!

Hey, pops.
What's up?
Aha!
It looks like your plan has failed, evil alien guy!
Say your prayers!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
ZAP!
You did it, pops!
No. We did it, you stupid cunt-rag.

Pops! I thought I told you to stop calling me a stupid cunt-rag!
I'll stop if you get the crystals out of that elephant's ass....

Here's your damn crystals!
Thank you, but our planet recently switched over to solar power.
It's much more efficient.
Later....
WHAT????
But I'm still willing to sign the peace treaty.
Just don't hurt me....

Well, it looks like you saved the day again, pops.
Yep.
And you got covered in elephant shit.
In the Sanford ship

I hate you, pops.
The End
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commentaires
NoteNote :   
Because everything is better in space.
6. 30.10.06 à 05:43 |insertnamehere9/10
insertnamehere
If anybody votes low on a comic because it's too long, they're a moron.
5. 09.05.06 à 03:54 |boinky3310/10
boinky33
i enjoyed it. its rare to see a good long one that is entertaining. I applaud the efforts you take in crafting superlong ones. Not everyone can do them. 10/10.
4. 11.09.05 à 22:47 |thecaptainofo10/10
thecaptainofo
i just srolled through it. its so long ohwell ill just take cartman1991's thought and give you a 10/10
3. 11.09.05 à 19:58 |Crazefase10/10
Crazefase
funny, a bit to long, but great, 10/10
2. 11.09.05 à 17:05 |cartman199110/10
cartman1991
i dont like it! too long aswell 4/10
1. 11.09.05 à 16:58 |JakeAkbar4/10
JakeAkbar
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