http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/ Dispatches from the blue states and live nude girls. fr-fr http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/44091-war-party.html
Our platform was elegant in its simplicity.

War Is Good. War Works.

In the War Party, we like all kinds of wars. We like long, cruel wars like Vietnam; and short, funny wars like Grenada. We don't care.

War. What is it good for? Absolutely everything.

War boosts the economy AND reduces the population. It stimulates research and technology. World War II brought us computers, helicopters, and modern rocketry.

The poster boy for the War Party is Harry Lime, who said, "In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love-- they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

But, you say, isn't it difficult to get people to agree to go to war? No. "All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

That quote was from the Godfather of the War Party-- Hermann Goering.

People ask me, "Grouchobeer-- are you going to run for president on the War Party ticket in 2012?"

The answer is, "No."

"Why not?", they ask, plaintively.

The reason is that, as happens to most "crackpot" third parties in American politics, our platform has been co-opted by the so-called "Major Parties".

I really don't care. I'm happy as the proverbial clam as long as Obama keeps his campaign promise and invades Iran.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/43570-cash4gold-com-offers-one-third-what-a-pawn-shop-would.html http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/43047-you-can-t-spell-very-weird-without-vw-or-routanbust-org.html
Back already? You must have a high-speed internet connection. I won't even get into my general horror of gas-guzzling, global-warming-causing minivans and Republican-voting, lipstick-wearing hockey moms today. This commercial, in and of itself, is startlingly, stunningly, the-fuck-were-these-cretins-thinking bad.

First of all, its talk of Babies and German engineering carries with it a faint whiff of Nazism and the Master Race. Let us not forget that the Volkswagen company was founded by Adolf Hitler.

Secondly, it thinks it's so damn clever, and it just isn't. Perhaps a brilliant comedic actress could sell it, but Brooke Shields ain't exactly Thelma Todd. BROOKE FRIGGIN' SHIELDS??? Isn't this the same woman whose last quarter-hour of infamy came from her dustup with Tom Cruise over the fact that she had undergone psychotherapy and medication for postpartum disorder so severe she had constant thoughts about throwing herself out of a window? BROOKE SHIELDS? What, was Susan Smith unavailable?

Nobody would stand for it if a car company made light of breast cancer or genocide, but somehow, it's ok for them to do cute little commercials about overpopulation, the #1 problem facing the planet, which will be the end of civilization as we know it. Ironically, when the Apocalypse comes  we're all dressed in animal skins and blasting away at each other with shotguns from our tricked-out muscle cars, there won't be a minivan or a hockey mom left on the road.

Hey, that's a good thing.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/42246-the-last-of-dick-cheney-the-motion-picture.html http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/39170-there-must-be-some-mistake.html

I ordered the LARGE cup of coffee!]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/38429-teddy-kennedy-takes-hillary-clinton-for-a-spin.html

If he had one of these cars forty years ago, he'd be president today.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/38182-rip.html

Iceland mourns the death of Santa Claus.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/37663-special-xmas-message-from-the-tartaglias.html

Santa Claus sleeps with the fishes.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/37643-jews-are-responsible-for-all-the-wars-in-the-world.html

In the West Bank today, an Israeli soldier killed Santa.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/37046-there-is-a-little-holiday-in-my-heart-every-time-i-see-this.html

An elephant went on a rampage after a game of elephant polo.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/37004-spider-spud-spider-spud-does-whatever-a-spider-spud-does.html ]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/36324-spiderdog-spiderdog-does-whatever-a-spiderdog-does.html

Lakshmi takes her dog out for a walk.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/36321-strike-gets-ugly.html

The Association of Motion Picture and Television Producers is
cracking down on the Writers Guild of America with strikebreakers.
Moments after this picture was taken, Hulk killed Sarah Silverman.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/35909-spider-girl-2.html

Well, I have my Halloween costume for next year.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/35897-spider-girl-spider-girl-does-whatever-a-spider-girl-does.html

A girl like that, you don't eat all at once.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/35855-the-ayatollah-of-oz.html

Somewhere over the rainbow
Missiles fly.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/35844-barbie-s-dream-tabasco.html ]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/35712-burn-baby-burn.html

Pope John Paul II roasts in hell.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/35471-theodore-rex.html

One is a terrible lizard with a brain the size of a cashew,
and the other is a replica.]]> http://www.gnomz.com/grouchobeerblog/33794-you-love-a-horse.html
Of Harpo, he says, "He is on intimate terms with his horse."]]>