anyway except Entropic_Catalyst, but he'll be too busy looking up what a hypochondriac is and not getting results because I misspelled it that he'll forget about this.

I  know I haven't put the roast together, I moved. But I don' t think that's the only reason. For about two months now, I've been feeling like shit. Usually when I write comics I'm either in a manic state where I gigglingly (?) write down everything all the while thinking what a genius I am, or I'm in an unemotional fluidity flux, the pen an extension of my hand. But now, it seems like I'm missing my mark, I haven't been able to come up with anything except that unflattering I published today that I wrote about 8 months ago. Now I either try to do sleep under my bed or I collapse and writhe in my tears for stupid and innane reasons (like not 100% a song on Guitar Hero) where usually the worst shit would happen and I would be perfectly ok with the situation. I've also been paranoid horribly. Like right now I'm thinking about how you think I'm a hypochondriatic narcissist since I've been talking about me this entire time, or when I almost had a panic attack when I found out I had a blue spot on the back of my white shirt.

     I really didn't mean to put a burden on you, dear non-existent reader, but I needed to put this somewhere. Besides, no reads these things

If you do see this, take your pick: Bipolar, suicidal, hypochondriac, or just John Waters. Message me and I'll send you a picture of a picture.

2.      Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

3.      Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

4.      A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

5.      Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

6.      I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.

7.      I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.

8.      You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.

9.      If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

10.  Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

11.  If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

12.  No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

13.  There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

14.  The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

15.  The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

16.  Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

17.  Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

18.  Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

19.  If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.

20.  If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

21.  You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

22.  Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

23.  Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”

24.  As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

25.  If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

26.  The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

27.  I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

28.  I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

29.  If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.

30.  You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.

31.  By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

32.  Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

33.  Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

34.  I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.

35.  I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

36.  When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.

37.  Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

38.  I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

39.  I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.

40.  I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

41.  Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

42.  So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

43.  Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

44.  Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

45.  I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

46.  Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

47.  Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

48.  God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

49.  I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

50.  One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

51.  If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?

52.  What year did Jesus think it was?

53.  George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

54.  Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

55.  In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

56.  Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

57.  “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

58.  No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.

59.  Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

60.  The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

61.  The future will soon be a thing of the past.

62.  The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

63.  The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

64.  Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

65.  The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

66.  I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

67.  Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

68.  “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

69.  Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

70.  And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

71.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

72.  Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.

73.  Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

74.  Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

75.  I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

76.  Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

77.  The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

78.  If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

79.  “Meow” means “woof” in cat.

80.  Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

81.  Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

82.  “No comment” is a comment.

83.  If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

84.  You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

85.  Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.

86.  So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

87.  Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

88.  Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

89.  When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

90.  The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

91.  I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

92.  If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!

93.  Hooray for most things!

94.  Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

95.  I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

96.  What was the best thing before sliced bread?

97.  May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

98.  Life is a zero sum game.

99.  Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

100.                I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

101.                It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

Can you see it? Go to the COTD page on the date of this published post then, I don't know jack-shit about any of this computer shit.

Here's the last one:

http://www.nerdtests.com/mq/take.php?id=8046

Cow: female of domestic cattle: "`moo-cow' is a child's term"

http://www.guitarrising.com/index.html

http://www.frappr.com/?a=constellation_map&mapid=137440308851

Since I'm too lazy to imbed the code, I'll just post the links. just click "Future" in the upper left corner to advance to the next

Meme: http://www.rocketboom.com/vlog/rb_07_dec_17

    I miss you guys.

I would not recommend looking for the MP3.

We are free and fairly sober
With so many toys to build.
The machines are kinda tricky,
Probably someone will be killed,
But we gladly work for nothing
"Which is good because we don't intend to pay."
The elves are back to work today... Hurray!

We have just a couple hours
To make several billion gifts,
And the labour isn't easy...
"When you all work triple shifts.
You can make the job go quicker,
If you turn up the controls to super-speed."
It's back to work on Xmas Eve!

And though you're cold and sore and ugly,
Your pride will mask the pain.
Let my happy smile warm your heart...
"There's a toy lodged in my brain."

We are getting awfully tired,
And we can't work any faster,
And we're very very sorry...
"Why you selfish little bastards,
Do you want the kids to think Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?"
No!
"Then shut your yaps and back to work!"

Now it's very nearly Xmas and we've done the best we could.
These toys soldiers are poorly painted
And they're made from inferior wood.
"I should give you all a beating,
But I really have to fly."
"If I weren't stuck here frozen,
I'd harpoon you in the eye."

Now its back into our tennements to drown ourselves in rye.
You did the best you could,
I guess that some of these gorillas are OK.
The elves have rescued Xmas Day! Hooray!

MP3: http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/EpisodeSounds/3ACV03/ (It's Number 8)

That's right, the one site you wouldn't want to send to anyone even remotley religious, she sent to 80 year old  SuperChristians.

Now, she didn't understand that this was a parody site and not an actual church thing. So she printed out one of their articles, something like "Women Shouldn't Work", and showed it to us. While my parents also thought this was real and were listening with exaggerated facial expressions I was two rooms away desperately trying not to laugh.

     After they left the living room to do whatever, I slipped a copy of "Welcome to Jesusland", Landover Baptist's book on to the coffee table. Well, it's gone now. I guess they threw it away. Oh well.

Netflix it.

http://dilbert.gnomz.com/36657-futurama-bender-s-big-score.html

Anyway:

http://www.viralvideochart.com/youtube/alan_moore_art_spiegelman_daniel_clowes_on_simpsons?id=eeVOAOIYt6Y - *DELETED*

http://comicsdc.blogspot.com/2007/11/nov-18-alan-moore-art-spiegelman-and.html